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September 08, 2006

One thing I know, this pain will go

Things are going much better.

For one thing, I've had a perfectly wonderful birthday today. I'm 35 for reals. And the last few days have been an improvement over the last few weeks, and I am going to take a lot of credit for turning this ship around.

Let's see. I've been to yoga three times now, and I swear I can already feel the difference in my posture and my mood. I had forgotten how I love yoga; it's like running into an old flame and getting back together after 13 years. Not that I've ever done that. But it's like the good version of doing that, where it's lovely and not a total disaster. The physical and the spiritual/emotional parts of the yoga have been very calming, and I'm feeling much better in my body. And it's just great to have the teacher reminding me about staying in the breath, and being grounded, and letting go of the past and embracing the present.

I'm doing on-site copyediting this week, and my colleagues adore me. Seriously. They say nice things to me constantly, of both a personal and a professional nature, and the last three days have been a delight. (Closing an issue! A delight! How can it be?) Editors have come in to tell me they liked my changes. It's like some sort of copyediting paradise.

Clearly I need to work harder to get a full-time office job. I hadn't realized how strongly having positive daily job interactions affects my mood. But it's not a coincidence that the two good days I had last week were ones where I was in an office, and that the last three days have been much easier on me. On the bright side, I have in-office work scheduled for the full month of October, so I have a few weeks to work on getting another gig.

I decided a few days ago to not have a birthday party this weekend, but instead to reschedule for some time in October. This was already a great decision, because it made me feel much more relaxed. But the even smarter thing I did was that I explained to everyone why I needed to do this, and asked for emotional support. That was incredibly hard for me to do, and yet it was exactly right. My friends have been unspeakably wonderful. I feel very loved and cared about. I'm making lots of plans to see people in smaller numbers (one or two at a time) instead of in a party-size group, and that feels great. I'm looking forward to reconnecting with folks, and focusing on accepting their affection. I feel like I gave myself a very important birthday present, and it's one where lots of people get to participate.

Lastly, Francis has been very sweet. He got me lots of small thoughtful birthday presents, and we had a terrific meal at Spice Market, and we sat next to an awful couple who made us smile at each other constantly because they were so ridiculous, and I just spent the whole evening basking in how much I adore him.

What a good birthday.

Posted by Rose at September 8, 2006 09:46 PM


yay! happy birthday, sweetie... so glad you enjoyed it, and that things seem to be looking good now. and i bet i'd like yoga more if i did it three times a week... do you ever do home practice?

Posted by: gotcha at September 9, 2006 01:02 AM

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