April 17, 2004

Okay, clearly I have to work on my business plan

Daniel points out a flaw in my Rapture heathen plan. Why would the Fundamentalists care what happens to their stuff after they're called up to Heaven? Everyone they know and presumably every charity they care about is going to be leaving this earthly vale right along with them.

Or are they?

Maybe this Rapture heathen racket will need to play on people's fears more. You know..."What if your son doesn't get called up to heaven with you? What if he just cheated on a test at school the day before the Rapture, and he doesn't make the cut? Who's going to look after him? Do you want him to be alone during the tribulations? Call 1-800-GODLESS now."

I also mentioned to Daniel another idea we'd come up with, the Karma bitch. If you needed something done that would bring you bad karma (you know, like stealing something, or killing someone, or stepping on an ant), the Karma bitch would do it for you. I thought there was an inherent flaw in this, because asking someone to kill someone for you is just as much bad karma as it is to actually do the killing, so what's the point? Daniel pointed out, though, that a workable Karma bitch relationship would actually be similar to the Shabbos goy situation.

I was not aware of this, but apparently Jews are not actually allowed to directly ask Shabbos goys to do anything. They might say, "Goodness, it certainly is hard to read in here now that the sun has gone down," which would cause an alert Shabbos goy to turn on a light, but it's a breach of protocol to simply request that the light switch be flipped. So to avoid bad karma, one's Karma bitch would need to be good at picking up hints: "Boy, that guy who owes me all that money certainly does have lovely kneecaps. I wish I had a pair of kneecaps like that. Ah, well. Whaddaya gonna do?"

Posted by Francis at 06:52 AM