November 23, 2006
So sign me up, if you're offering another dance
It's Thanksgiving, and as I have a lot to be thankful for right now, I thought I'd get on that.
Attentive folks might have noticed that the tenor of my posts has changed significantly over the last couple of months, and it's true: I'm happy!
This morning I had a lovely omen: I woke up, rested and content, and saw my husband sleeping and was filled with love. I watched him sleep for a couple minutes, then reached over to check my clock, just as my alarm was about to go off. [Alarm on holiday due to need to COOK COOK COOK.] I win!
The nature of my happiness goes much deeper than that, though. Here's how I see it: For the last several years, I have been standing on one side of an enormous chasm, thinking that things would be better on the other side. Every so often I gear up and toss myself across, without quite enough momentum to make it, and down I tumble onto the rocks. With great effort I crawl back to my starting point, wait awhile, then get to looking at the chasm thinking, "Huh. I think it'd be better OVER THERE."
This time I finally worked up enough speed and force and will to make it all the way over! I am on the other side, and I am here to tell you: THE GRASS IS GREENER.
The thing that's so different is that instead of fixing the proximal problem, then sitting around waiting for a new problem, which has been my MO for oh-so-long, I've finally fixed the main thing that's been wrong, my inability to actually appreciate how much there is about my life that is truly wonderful.
So I'm thankful for the meta thing, but here's what I'm thankful for right now in particular:
My health. I know that'll sound a bit nuts, as I've been having some problems, but really, on the whole, I am very healthy. And someday I'll be less healthy than I am now. And right now, I can do yoga and walk in the park and travel and get around town and have sex and basically do everything I want to do with my body, with only very minor limitations. Yay!
My work. I love copyediting, and I love that I get to do it for pay. I also love doing it for special friends and good causes, and there's been some of that this year, too, and that makes me feel really good.
My city. Every time I think I couldn't possibly love NYC more, I discover something new about it that I adore completely. I am home.
My friends. Brilliant, talented, compassionate, funny -- they stand by me through ridiculous trials with good grace, they celebrate my happiness with pure joy -- I have the best friends in the world.
My lovers. Polyamory has been quite an adventure, but I have learned really important stuff even from the relationships that seem to have not worked out. Furthermore, right now all my poly is INSANELY POSITIVE poly, and I am deliriously happy. And everyone likes everyone and there's this whole networked chosen family radical community thing going on and OMG I'm making the life I want to live. Yes I am.
My husband. The most important person in my life, the hub of my universe, my companion and friend and lover and entertainment committee chairman: I have chosen wisely.
Yes, truly, I am in love with the world. Filled with bliss. That's tempered with understanding how I got here, of course, but that makes it all the more precious.
Posted by Rose at November 23, 2006 12:02 AM
I'm thankful that all my kitchen appliances work today and that my therapist needs the money.
Glad to read happy things!
Posted by: Elaine at November 23, 2006 01:15 PM
Posted by: gotcha at November 23, 2006 08:09 PM
I'm thankful that I met you! You're a good egg.
Posted by: I. at November 23, 2006 11:15 PM
Sooooo glad you made it across the abyss, chica. creating a wonderful life is the best craft there is...big hug.
Posted by: caroline at November 27, 2006 12:55 PM