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June 19, 2005

Daddy, you been on my mind

My parents used to send me cards for holidays that really got on my nerves. I got one for every birthday and Christmas, and then usually for lesser holidays, like Easter, and Valentine's Day, and they even sometimes sent an out-of-the-blue one. What annoyed me about the cards was that they were so unlike me, and so unlike the relationship I'd had with my parents over the years. So Hallmark. You know the kind I mean. Sometimes rhymed, sometimes free verse, always sappy. I suspected that my mother was buying these and getting my dad to send them; there was never anything written in them but, "Love, Mama and Daddy," in my father's handwriting.

That was what I suspected until my father died. I haven't gotten a single card since. Reframing the whole thing makes it almost impossibly affecting. These cards weren't expressions of my mother's overblown and somewhat scattershot sentimentality, they were my father's attempt to say the sorts of things he was never any good at saying out loud. Things like, "I was thinking about you," and "You've turned out okay."

I wish I could send him a father's day card.

Posted by Rose at June 19, 2005 11:34 PM


just made it here... sorry i've been so lame. there's some heavy stuff, but this entry brought the tears to my eyes. hang in there, rose.

Posted by: katje at July 2, 2005 07:32 PM

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