December 02, 2005

The pissed and the pendulous

Rose alerted me to something amusing-slash-appalling on Andrew Sullivan's blog in which he quotes John Derbyshire of National Review Online daringly calling for fewer naked 36-year-old female torsos and more 15-year-old ones (apropos of Jennifer Aniston's recent GQ cover, on which she appears "topless", where "topless" means, as it does on most nonporn magazines, "not technically wearing a shirt, but still covering most of the bits you were interested in seeing"):

While I have no doubt that Ms. Aniston is a paragon of charm, wit, and intelligence, she is also 36 years old. Even with the strenuous body-hardening exercise routines now compulsory for movie stars, at age 36 the forces of nature have won out over the view-worthiness of the unsupported female bust.

It is, in fact, a sad truth about human life that beyond our salad days, very few of us are interesting to look at in the buff. Added to that sadness is the very unfair truth that a woman's salad days are shorter than a man's — really, in this precise context, only from about 15 to 20. The Nautilus and the treadmill can add a half decade or so, but by 36 the bloom is definitely off the rose. Very few of us, however, can face up to this fact honestly, and I am sure this diary item will generate more angry e-mails of protest than everything else I have written this month.

Emphasis added, because YES, of course this diary item will generate angry e-mails of protest, because it's an ass-stupid thing to say, you fucking moron. Maybe I am the anomaly and you are the representative of the rest of malekind, but most of the women whose shirts I would care to see removed are well into their 30s or beyond. (Confidential to Kate Bush: the new album is great! Call me.)

Posted by Francis at 08:41 AM

I'm "into my 30s or older", and just have one thing to say to Mr. Sullivan:

Too bad you will never see me naked. Even though yes, the 'bloom is off the rose', as you so tiredly put it, my breasts are round, full, soft, and delicious.

And 15-year girls are illegal, bub. I'd put the kaibosh on that line of thinking, Pervy.

Posted by: Mona Buonanotte at December 2, 2005 10:26 AM

Is this a call to arms and a call to topless photo blogging?

Posted by: Orange at December 2, 2005 10:51 AM

I'm not so much put off by his failure to be attracted to 36-year-olds as his setting the bar, for girls he could be attracted to, at fifteen years old. That is just creepy.

Derbyshire has a post today in which he expresses amazement at being called a pervert by the likes of Andrew Sullivan. Who, you know, is one of those queers.

For some reason, Derb thinks Andrew posted this picture as support for that argument. It's pretty clear, rather, that Sullivan linked to the picture because it's the only one taken on the man's wedding day. One single, blurry shot, with Derb looking about as happy as a man waiting to renew his driver's license. It's a minor matter, but it certainly does add to the man's reputation as an oddball.

On the other hand, Derb is the only NRO writer willing to call Intelligent Design for the bunch of bananas it is, so give him that.

Posted by: Eric Berlin at December 2, 2005 11:04 AM

Orange: Obviously!

Eric: Yeah, the 15-year-old thing is creepy, but I didn't lean too much on that angle since Andrew Sullivan had already mentioned it. Whereas I didn't think Andrew was going to stand up in defense of 36-year-old breasts since he, well, you know.

Posted by: Francis at December 2, 2005 11:23 AM

Angry e-mails? Derbyshire should be more worried about an FBI frisk of his hard drive.

Posted by: hanas at December 2, 2005 11:38 AM

Oi, what a freaking idiot. I've just seen the picture of Jennifer Aniston that is in question, and if that man doesn't want to fuck her after seeing that, well, I openly call into question his desire to fuck women. As opposed to, you know, little waifish 15-year-old girls.

Feh. People do get what they deserve. Except in this case, where I sincerely doubt his ability to arouse interest in the 15-to-20-year-old women he'd prefer to see topless.

Posted by: Rose at December 2, 2005 12:14 PM

Is he serious? Breasts aren't really worth looking at until they get some gravity and life behind them anyway. Every 18 year old breast looks about the same. A 36 year old breast is like a snowflake. Unique and beautiful. :)

Posted by: Maine at December 2, 2005 01:19 PM

My rose may not be in bloom but my insurance is cheaper and I have a savings account. Sexy, no?

Posted by: samalee at December 2, 2005 01:47 PM

Unlike some other commenters, I have no issue with Derbyshire's personal preference for 15-to-20-year-old torsos. It's illegal in the U.S. for adults to boink 15-year-olds, but it's certainly not illegal to think they're sexy. *They* certainly think they're sexy.

What makes Derbyshire a fucking moron is his belief that GQ needs to get its head out of the sand and realize that *no one* wants to look at Jennifer Aniston mostly naked, since, after all, *he* doesn't. Somehow I suspect GQ knew what they were doing on this one.

(Full disclosure: a) I have a thing for younger women; b) I'd do Ms. Aniston any day of the week; c) you can have Kate when I'm done with her.)

Posted by: Rick at December 2, 2005 03:21 PM

My favorite line is, "Added to that sadness is the very unfair truth that a woman's salad days are shorter than a man's." Whatever you say, Andrew, just PLEASE don't take off your clothes to prove your point. Or if you must, let us compare you to Jennifer Aniston and see who comes up short.

Posted by: Victoria at December 3, 2005 12:17 PM

Now I can't stop thinking about Jennifer Aniston's breasts . . .

Posted by: Victoria at December 4, 2005 12:14 AM

Didja look at the GQ cover? Jennifer Aniston's "unsupported bust" appears to be in the same place it's been for decades—in other words, nobody's getting GQ and National Geographic mixed up.

Posted by: Orange at December 4, 2005 01:28 AM

I saw the GQ cover, and I think the "angle" of Aniston's pose begs the question of what gravity-defying measures she may have taken over the years. Even so, I have no idea what Sullivan's complaint with her could possibly be! Unless she hasn't returned his stalker e-mails.

I think I should go console her.

Posted by: Victoria at December 4, 2005 10:52 AM

Back off, Derby. Huckapoo is my beat.

Posted by: radosh at December 7, 2005 09:33 AM

When I be given buy wow gold us, I will once yet again obtain them.

Posted by: buy wow gold us at October 23, 2013 02:02 AM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?