September 24, 2005

Dear Heaneyland: a lonely elephants column

It's time once again to look into the Heaneyland search-query bag. What's in there today?

elephant masturbate
undoing a bra in make out

Oddly enough, both of those search queries lead you to this entry.

Anyway, since I like to treat search queries as if they were written to an advice column, here is my advice.

Elephant masturbate. I cannot recommend this, except to elephants.

Undoing a bra in make out. We live in an age of empowerment for women (at least, until John Roberts is confirmed), and you can show your solidarity by letting them take off their own bras. Or you could just keep an eye out for the ladies who aren't wearing one.

Posted by Francis at 09:19 AM

Your archived post is the funniest thing I've read in weeks! Everybody Loves To Tie Francis To The Bedpost: It's For His Own Good. Everybody Likes An Exclamation-Point Day. Everybody Enjoys A Good Worm Bath.

Posted by: Orange at September 24, 2005 01:20 PM

My blog's search-query bag contains wrestling erection and brazilian waxing stirrups and "john roberts" combover. Now when people search for wrestling "john roberts" erection brazilian waxing, the search engines will bring 'em right here, won't they?

"This entry" that you linked to? That's great stuff, Francis! Thanks for the giggles.

Posted by: Orange at September 24, 2005 01:55 PM

Funny, tying my hands to the bedpost just makes me want to masturbate more. In fact, THINKING about it, against Mormon wishes, is making me want to masturbate right now...excuse me...I must be Hell, apparently.... See ya there!

Posted by: Mona Buonanotte at September 24, 2005 04:26 PM

Francis, I hope you got a zillion comments on that 2004 post at the time. 'Cause I got more comments at my blog linking to it than you did right here...

Posted by: Orange at September 28, 2005 09:24 AM

Had I received any comments, you would see them at the bottom of the page. My readers were not so loquacious back then.

Posted by: Francis at September 28, 2005 10:16 AM

And now you have readers both loquacious and exhibitionistic. My, how the blog has grown.

Posted by: Orange at October 4, 2005 08:02 PM
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