July 05, 2005

She had a spare bag, she had lost some weight

Many regular Heaneyland! readers will be in Los Angeles this week with Francis, trying hard to enjoy whatever it is that passes for entertainment on The Other Coast, biding their time until the National Puzzlers' League convention actually starts. But what about the rest of us? What will we do without Six Things to make us laugh? Without subway rants to make us shake our fists at the villainous nature of humanity?

I'm here to help. However, I can't draw, so that's out. And ranting about the subway is something that Francis has really perfected; I wouldn't want to just mimic him. I know! I'll rant, but about a completely new topic. Yes, that will do nicely.


As Francis has mentioned, we've both been running. I started doing this seriously a few months before he did, and I've been logging a lot more miles than he has, and one effect has been that I've been losing weight steadily since last fall. "That's great!" you say. Yes, of course, it's great, except when it is totally frustrating in stupid unforeseeable ways.

Winter passed into spring here in NYC, and the calendar said that things would be warming up, so I never bothered to buy any new cold-weather clothing. The calendar LIED. April was chilly, but I didn't mind wearing baggy sweaters because I'd be getting rid of them soon. Then it was May and it was still Really Fucking Cold. Like, in the 50s. Regularly. For the highs. I couldn't take it anymore, and I went out to buy some new clothes. I knew precisely what I wanted: a hoodie sweatshirt, not too heavy, without any logos or writing on it, that I could wear under a denim jacket. What was I thinking? It was May. I was fucked.

I looked EVERYWHERE. No one still had anything the least bit like a hoodie sweatshirt. Everyone had little slutty spaghetti-strap tank tops. (Which I'm supposed to wear how? With a bra? Without a bra? Good lord.) I gave up. I really was just fucked; even though the highs were in the 50s in NYC, store buyers had ordered their clothes months before, and so in the stores it was summer, and that was that. I found an acceptable jacket at a second-hand store, and I made do with my baggy-ass sweaters. The weather started to warm up right at the beginning of June.

That would have been the end of the story: my resigned withdrawl from the hunt; the eventual onset of summer. BUT NO! Since my weight has settled out a bit, I've been doing some browsing in stores the last couple of weeks, and I am being taunted by the Hive Mind of Fashion, Summer 2005 Edition: every goddamn place I look in on has got hooded sweatshirts as part of their summer collections! This is not a weird thing where they're stocking fall clothing in July; these are cute hoodies, in mid-weight cotton fabrics, with no logos or writing on them, in a dozen summery colors. J. Crew has them. H&M has them. Old Navy. FUCKERS.

I suppose I should buy one, but I am so damned irritated that I haven't been able to bring myself to the task.


When I'm not filling in for Francis, I can be found at my regular blog, Miles of Yarn. Where I hardly ever rant.

Posted by Rose at 09:41 PM

Kudos to you for the Soul Coughing reference, esp. since I have that EXACT cd playing right now. "Rollerboogie motha...."

I couldn't find a bathing suit...in June. WHAT??? And no shorts available pre-July 4th. Damn conspiracy, that....

Posted by: Mona Buonanotte at July 6, 2005 10:22 AM

Sars over at Tomato Nation had a similar rant about, oh, everything in women's fashion.

I particularly sympathize with what she has to say about large-breasted women and tank-tops, but it was her comments about skirts and pocket change that really made me laugh.

Posted by: Debby at July 6, 2005 04:46 PM


This is why I buy clothes on eBay, seriously. eBay has no seasons.

Posted by: Erin at July 6, 2005 08:08 PM

You, too, can wear a (moderately) slutty spaghetti-strap tank. You just have to drop $50 on it to get one with a quality bra built in. I can't tell you how excited I was to buy one last week. Turns out it actually is a lot cooler not to have fabric swaddling your shoulders. Orange recommends!

Posted by: Orange at July 7, 2005 09:05 AM
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